Here are your Top Ten stories from last Saturday through Friday:
10: In Arizona, some brave Militia types who were protecting the border from the threat of Guatemalan 8-year-olds confronted a bunch of suspicious people who they encountered at night. The heavily-armed patriots hadn't found a nefarious smuggling ring, though: they'd wasted the Border Patrol's time by reporting a bunch of wildlife biologists who were surveying the local bat population.
9: A rightwing Bible-beater warned that the forces of "Big Sodomy" are on the verge of destroying America, again.
8: Sarah Palin, who does no discernible work, explained the Real Meaning of Labor Day (spoiler: It's about bein' Mavericky).
7: Gajillionaire wino Bruce Rauner is Just A Regular Guy who owns an old van, so he really deserves to become the next governor of Illinois. He mentioned the van, didn't he? It's old.
6: Phyllis Schalfly explained that if women REALLY wanted to reduce rape and domestic violence, they'd stop pursuing careers and get married, because only that can tame a man. And then she proved that Jews cause thunderstorms.
5: We shared an exquisitely weird video of Canadian Crack Mayor Rob Ford, which was strangely inspiring.
4: We wished the legendary Molly Ivins a happy birthday. Maybe next time we'll pay attention to her warning that no one from Texas should be President.
3: A Florida Man… do we need to say more than just that?
2: A journalist lady got a whuppin' from a Georgia sheriff's deputy for flagrantly being a journalist and asking why she was being beaten. That's resisting, lady!
1: Bob and Maureen McDonnell were found guilty. That's Guilty. GUILTY! GUILTY! GUILTY!
Read more at Wonkette: http://wonkette.com/559459/your-wonkette-week-in-review-now-you-dont-have-to-kick-yourself-for-missing-these-stories#ixzz3Ca3JYQgI
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